20 Ways To Piss Off A Ninja
by Lightning-in-the-dark
Summary: Humor, Laughs, Pranks. All that can cheer you up after a hard day. I couldn't stop laughing when typing this... Trust me, after you read this, you'll be rolling on the floor trying to breathe. My next victim is up to you guys... R
1. Neji

**Neji**

**LITD: I just randomly decided to do something different before I start the sequel to 'Abandoning is not an option'. I hope you guys like this as much as do.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto...**

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1. Constantly remind him about the time he lost against Naruto

2. Tease him about his name and tell everyone that it means screw (it really does)

3. When he stares at you squeal and shout "Stop looking at me you pervert"… really loudly.

4. Keep asking him what type of shampoo he uses. When he asks why say "I need tips from an expert"

5. Run up to him, point and sing "Dude looks like a lady" –this may result in injury or death-

6. When he is meditating, walk up to him, poke him in the forehead and say "Can I have one of those?" referring to the seal.

7. Start a conversation with him, bring out a felt-tip pen and say "I can give you pupils for free"

8. Sing 'I'm a Barbie girl' when you're around him and watch his face turn red.

9. Keep repeating 8.

10. When he is sleeping, sneak into his room and cut his hair into the Lee/Gai style –You might want to move as far away as possible after this-

11. Transform into Neji and ask Lee out.

12. Or Naruto.

13. Throw glue all over him, then feathers, stick him in a cage and say "Now you're a bird in a cage"

14. Run up and down the streets of Konoha stating to all the fan girls that you know where he lives.

15. Dye his hair bright pink with permanent hair dye and when he is forced to go on a mission tell Sakura that she has a admirer.

16. Give him a fake mission to go and investigate a disturbance in a cave, alone. Cause a landslide and leave him there. –You might want to run since it wouldn't keep him there for that long and to the fact that he can see through the boulders and will spot you easily-

17. Bring him into an enclosed room, switch the lights off and stare at his eyes before saying "Damn, they don't glow in the dark"

18. Trap him in a room alone with a drunk Lee –remember that this could kill him-

19. As Lee and Gai are about to do their traditional hug thing, shove Neji in between them, watch for the results for a second or two then run (preferably faster than the wind)

20. Walk up behind him and tap him on the shoulder. When he turns, kick him in the balls and say "You never saw that coming now did you"

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LITD: Well, here it is. I would like to know if you guys liked it and if you want to, give me sugguestions on who to do next. Till next time. - 


	2. Orochimaru

**LITD: Here's the thing, I know some of you wanted me to do Shikamaru next but I found that doing Orochimaru was too hard to resist but I promise that I will him next.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto… -Sniffs-**

**P.S. Akizakura, yes you can use any of these, in fact anyone can use them.**

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Orochimaru 

1. Sneak into his lair, swap his eyeliner with black paint and leave a note that reads "Dear mister snake person, I think that you would be better off being a goth instead of trying to be a girl. It was never you. Yours truly, (Insert name here)"

2. Take photos of him sniffing Sasuke's clothes. Then show them to the rest of his followers. –he might try to hunt you down after this-

3. When he isn't there, paint his room bright, metallic yellow.

4. Or paste care bear wallpaper to the walls with the song 'I love you, you love me' in the background and claim that you saw Kabuto do it.

5. Challenge him to see who can touch their nose with their tongue. When you lose (You know you will) quickly take a picture from an angle that makes it seem like he's picking his nose with his tongue.

6. When it's his birthday, give him a card that says 'Happy Birthday girl/boy' and when he looks at you confused, raise an eyebrow knowingly.

7. Walk up to him and ask him randomly "Are you a man or woman?"

8. If he doesn't respond then conclude "Fine then. I declare that you are a he-she"

9. Oooooor to get better results, kick him in the balls, then you will see.

10. Take him out on a stag night. When he's very drunk, show him the door to a gay bar then leave him there.

11. Even though he would do this willingly when in a normal condition. Just do it to make sure that he does it anyway.

12. Tie him to a chair and destroy his cherished Sasuke photos in has face. (Do this in the slowest, most agonizing way possible to get better results)

13. Replace his shampoo with bleach and when he reveals himself say something in the lines of "Now you look like your proper age"

14. Go up to him with a sweet, innocent grin and ask "What age were you when you got castrated?" –this _will_ end in injury at the very least, no matter how cute you are-

15. Sit cross legged with a fire and stove in front of you, turning a snake across the flames, grin at him evilly and say "You're next"

16. Leak the information about his hiding place to the Akatsuki and record the following event for future purposes.

17. Create a voodoo doll of him and every time he does that hissy thing, pull his tongue out or stab it with knife and scold him for being rude in public.

18. Or if this fails to work, just throw the knife at him.

19. When you catch him drooling over a picture of Sasuke, take it off of him and tell him that he's too good for him.

20. Take a photo of him, then with a photo of Michael Jackson, introduce them to the others after comparing them, then let the world flow.

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**LITD: Here we have it and please make sure that you guys tell me what you thought of this fic so that I can improve or change something. Also I'm sorry that I didn't do Shikamaru but I promise that he will be my next victim. –Grins evilly-**

**Shikamaru: -Gulps- Oh crap**


	3. Shikamaru

**LITD: Well people, here is the one that most of you guys asked for. To be honest it was quite hard to think up of things so can you tell me if you thought it was funny or if you thought it was crap.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto and probably never will**

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Shikamaru 

1. Tell him to get a new haircut. It makes him look like a walking pineapple.

2. Or offer to do it for him

3. And when he refuses (you know he will) cut the ponytail off, throw it away and say "pineapple, BE GONE!"

4. When he cries about the loss, have a funeral for it just to cheer him up. –For your sake, you might not want to do this but to run away instead-

5. Every time he says 'troublesome', hit him across the head with a fish and run away… fast.

6. Claim that you saw him use his shadow possession jutsu to force a girl to strip. Sick but you never know.

7. Tie him to the end of a cable that has been connected onto a car, drive off and shout "Now this is what I would call a drag"

8. Follow him everywhere he goes. When he asks why, just tell him that you were studying cloud watchers to see what was so fascinating about them.

9. Ask why he likes clouds so much. The most likely reply that you would get would be "because they are floating things that travel the world". Slap him across the head and shout "Clouds do nothing but bring destruction like tornadoes or the floods that we usually get" –Well where I live they can be a monthly thing, even in the summer-

10. For a punishment for being so lazy, tell him to stay awake for 24 hours then watch and laugh at the results –most likely to be that he'll try to chase you but will be too tired to even move, O.O or even fall asleep in the middle of the road. If that happens, you might want to move him before something runs him over-

11. Cut Ino's hair while she's not looking and quickly hand the remains to Shikamaru

12. Since he's so smart, make sure that in an exam that you are sitting next to him and copy what he does.

13. Follow him EVERWHERE, copy the way he moves and says. –this used to really piss me off when one of my friends used to do it constantly-

14. Publish a book about clouds with all the bad facts about them, how you hate them and why they shouldn't be around. Make sure Shikamaru is the first one to get a copy.

15. When you see him walking your way, bring out a gun and start shooting at the clouds. When he's like O.o/WTF say "What? It just threw hail at me"

16. Keep poking him on the forehead and ask "How can I get as smart as you?" then pretend to have a good idea, bring out a chainsaw and shout "I know! I can steal your brain!"

17. Put a tattoo on his arm that is a chibi Temari with I love you under it. –still not sure what the result would be but hey, strange things happen…a lot-

18. Trap him in a room with all of the Naruto characters, then he'll know what troublesome is when you can't hear a word that you're thinking.

19. Stick a note onto his back that says 'kick me'. Make sure he doesn't see you doing this or else things could get ugly.

20. Trap him in a very small room with just Gai and Lee this time and watch him go insane as they do their 'youth' thing.

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**LITD: What did you guys think of it and who do you think that should be the next victim -turns to the crowd and grins-**

**Everyone: -shudders or runs-**

**LITD: Muahahahahahahahahahahaha cough, cough I've really got to stop doing that. Well till next time and just to say i might not be able to update until around about Monday because i am going away for the weekend but don't worry, I'll be back. **


	4. Sasuke

LITD: YAY! I actually updated on time. Well, here is the one that most of you guys asked for so get ready to wet yourself (I hope)

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto but you never know since there is a saying 'There's a first time for everything'

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Sasuke 

1. Shave his hair and replace it with feathers –I always thought he looked like a bird-

2. Bleach a message into his hair, preferably 'I love Sakura'

3. Lock him in a room with Sakura, we all know what will happen.

4. Get Sasuke to use his chadori to power your house

5. O.o or the Christmas tree –Since Christmas is just three weeks away, YAY-

6. Dye his hair pink and tell Sakura that he has a thing for her.

7. Organize a play and give Sasuke the role of the Grinch, he would be perfect.

8. Or the bogeyman

9. Tie him to a lamp post and hang a sign above that says '1$ for a kiss. SPECIAL GUEST! SASUKE UCHIHA!'

10. Poke him on the foreman so much that a red dot appears. –keep in mind that he might kill you under the influence of the he/she… you know who I'm on about-

11. Talking about Orochimaru, chain them together in the middle of a deep, dark forest. Random but imaginative, like ME!

12. Travel all the way to Orochimaru's base, chain Sasuke to a vehicle (of any kind but preferably something that is big and strong since the he/she might not like the idea) and return to Konoha.

13. When he is speaking, squeal really loudly until he stops but look as if it was someone else.

14. Spread a rumour that he is gay but make sure that no one finds out that you started it. Especially Ino or Sakura.

15. Hmmm, I wonder what would happen if he had a Gai/Lee hairstyle.

16. O.o ooooor an Ino hairstyle. –To be honest that sounds cool but if that actually happened then I would hate it. This tends to happen a lot-

17. Since he's one of Orochimaru's henchmen, put make up on him to see what he would look like as a mini Orochimaru

18. Call him 'minimaru'

19. Constantly laugh at him. When he asks why, grin evilly and say "You're going to die in seven days, muahahahaha" and prance away.

20. Grab his hand and stick a light bulb onto his finger but when nothing happens, say "Damn, you would have made a good light bulb too"

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LITD: Well people, lots of you asked for Sasuke and there he is. Tell me what you thought and who should be my next victim. Till next time. 


	5. Sakura

**LITD: Hi, I'm back. Sorry for taking a bit longer than usual to update but I have been a bit busy getting Christmas presents for the rest of the family. Enough of me talking, lets get this party started. Just like to thank everyone who has reviewed, added this fic or me to their lists, appreciate it guys.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. Never have, never will.**

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Sakura

1. Ask her who she lost her virginity to. If she doesn't reply, take a few guesses like Naruto or Shikamaru

2. O.o "Were you raped?" –RUN!!!-

3. Shave her hair off and sell it on ebay

4. Send a note to Sakura which says 'Dear Sakura, I have been watching Sasuke for a while now a quite frankly, he hates you and has now found his true love, Orochimaru, don't know why but still they are a great match. Yours sincerely, (Enter name here)'

5. Randomly walk up to her and ask "How comfy was that bench that Sasuke left you on before he left. At least he didn't leave you on the floor." And then walk away.

6. Run up to her face and thrust a stamp onto her _massive_ forehead that reads 'place sign here'

7. Simply ask her, with a laptop in your hands, if you could use her head as a satellite dish because the one at home broke

8. Or a mouse mat

9. Say to her "Wow. You must really suck if Sasuke left even when you confronted him"

10. Poke her on the forehead and squeal "Aww, its sooooo big. Can I keep it?"

11. Knock Sakura out, place her in a crate and send her to Suna. Maybe to Gaara as a birthday present.

12. Describe Team 7 as 'The good, the bad and the ugly' Sasuke being the good, Naruto the bad and Sakura the ugly.

13. Set her hair ablaze then blame it on Naruto since he is the most likely to do something like that.

14. Take her to barber shop where you told her it was a designer hairdresser but instead it's Lee's and Gai's hairdressers and tell them to make her a female version of them then run… far away.

15. Trap her in a room with Lee and Naruto. Remember that this could kill her through boredom or drive her insane.

16. Or the complete opposite.

17. Look at her face with a magnifying glass and gasp then place a hand on her shoulder as if someone had died before saying "I hate to be the barer of bad news but –sniff- you've got wrinkles"

18. At 2:00 in the morning, sneak into her room and play heavy metal music in her ear… at full blast.

19. Handcuff Sakura and Naruto together. I know they wouldn't last an hour but it would be fun to watch.

20. Shave all of her hair off, get a felt-tip pen and write on the space left 'Hair used to be here'

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**LITD: Well guys you know the routine, please review and send suggestions on who should be next. Till next time.**


	6. Naruto

LITD: YAY!!! I'm back and yes I'm still alive. Sorry about the lateness thing, it was because I had to do a _lot _of Christmas shopping and well, I was out most of the time and didn't have time to update. But now, here is victim number six… Action

Disclaimer: I. don't. own. Naruto.

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**Naruto**

1. Burn down the ramen shop and laugh in his face… then run

2. Or instead of laughing you could say "Well, it was going to make you fat anyway"

3. Every time he says 'believe it' respond by saying 'I don't'

4. When you see him scream "AHHH!!! MY RETINAS!!!" when asks why you ran away, say plainly "Oh it just that your hair is so god damn blinding"

5. Since he has a fox in him, feed him a doggy treat (that was the closest thing that I could get to a fox)

6. Show him a door. When he asks what's behind it, say its ramen. Open it, throw him though it and wait for it, wait for it…. BANG!! "Did I forget to tell you that this is a girl's spa"

7. Steal all of his orange clothes, they're too bright for his own good I mean, how the hell are you meant to be stealthy with something that practically glows in the dark.

8. Also dye his hair some random dark color so he can be stealthier, the yellow hair reminds me of a light bulb.

9. Poke his forehead protector and go "O.o, shiny"

10. Call him ninetails and throw a pokeball at him

11. Glue Naruto and Sasuke together then watch for the results, which might be death for one of them… most likely Naruto.

12. Lock team 7 in a room (including Kakashi) and explain that it's for their own good. –you might earplugs for this-

13. Then add Lee

14. Then the rest of the characters

15. Steal his forehead protector, throw it off a cliff and watch him dive after it

16. Since the fox has something to do with fire, every time you see him, use a fire extinguisher on him

17. Set him for a date with Sakura on a remote island but make sure that no one shows up and leave him there.

18. Dare him to put a pin in Tsunade's breast. If he asks why just say that you wanted to see if they deflate.

19. As Lee and Gai are about to do their traditional hug fest, push him in the middle of it and let the world flow.

20. Make pitfall traps around the town, using ramen as bait, -bare in mind this could attract Choji also-

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LITD: Here we go. Just to remind everyone… CHRISTMAS IS NEARLY HERE!!! YAY!!! So this will mean that I won't be update till around about the 30th because I'm going away to a log cabin that has no internet connection –sniff-. Oh well, till next time and have a good Christmas. 


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